For some, love is ruby-red rose petals and boxes of chocolates. For some, love is candlelit dinners while a live jazz band plays. A New York City-based dating and self-development coach. Make your love flourish with an expert relationship coach Love is the most empowering feeling – and for a good reason. When you have a deep affection for someone, people seem to be kinder, and the sun shines brighter. You are no longer the person you used to be.
Whether you’re a divorced man, a widower, have never married or never even been in a committed relationship, you may someday tire of being alone. I completely understand – I have been in your shoes (as have millions of other men). Luckily, there are many best practices for men to go to school on as they emerge from their “cave.”
Men have various reasons for late in life dating. Some men hope to discover love; others are happy with someone who can cook meals or care for them should they ever become ill. Others are lonely, (usually the result of a divorce or the death of their spouse) and desire someone with whom they can share a bed. Still others are wounded following an unwanted breakup, or a previous romantic experience gone bad: they shy away from exposing their emotions (or their wallets) to more pain and are slow to look for future entanglements.
One thing about men who give dating another try later in life: they like moving things along pretty fast! They would be better advised to be a bit more patient. Through my years of research, I have found men in similar situations to be a bit impulsive, a behavior that triggers potentially devastating errors in judgment.
To be honest, there are many risks associated with late-in-life dating, from the emotional dangers of rejection to the financial risks presented by someone with predatory motives. However, that should not deter a single or widowed man (or anyone) from seeking a companion and more. Dating can be exciting. It’s fun, but it can complicate one’s life, so go about it with your common sense fully engaged; moving forward with intent and purpose.
Where does an eligible man begin?
If you are considering re-entering the dating scene, you first need to understand your own motives clearly. What is missing in your life; a partner or a hot date? Do you seek the companionship of a woman of deep faith? An intellectual who can debate the issues of the day? Someone who can make you laugh and has a great figure? Sure, you want all of the above – but what are your MUST HAVES? You need to know them and then look for them in those you meet. For instance, in life we all accumulate baggage. If you are asking a new companion to accept your baggage, are you willing to accept theirs?
Where to begin looking
There are more options for online late in life dating than ever. When I decided to seek a new life companion, I subscribed to the online dating service, eHarmony.com. (Be aware not all online dating services are created equal.) Fortunately for me, eHarmony paired me with a computer engineer named Maria. Maria subscribed to eHarmony herself because she happened to know the psychologist that designed eHarmony’s matching software, and he confirmed that it was scientifically valid. I suspect not all online dating services can make the same claim: Maria and I were married a year later.
For older men wanting to take the plunge, here’s a quick dating checklist for senior males:
- Know yourself
- What void in your life are you attempting to fill?
- Are you emotionally ready for a relationship?
- Identify your Must Haves and your Never Wants
- Children? A smoker/drinker? Someone younger? Someone healthy? Someone who is financially self-sufficient?
- Clean-up
- Women prefer men who take care of themselves physically as well as visually.
- Never invite a woman into a cluttered or messy residence.
- Define your dating strategy
- Consider the services of a dating coach.
- Would you be open to blind dates?
- If you use an online service, be honest when answering their questionnaire.
- Join groups or volunteer where you are likely to meet others possessing common interests.
- Get off the sofa!
- Be where people are found; civic and public events, at a house of worship or clubs. My mother once said to me, “If you want to meet a nice girl, go to church!” Regardless of your beliefs, my mother’s advice is worthy of consideration.
- Be honest about your intentions
- Don’t say you’re the “marrying type” if you are not.
When you’re ready to pick up the phone, remember:
- Some of the most enjoyable dates don’t have to cost anything.
- Plan fordates that both you and your new friend will genuinely enjoy.
- First dates over lunch at a favorite restaurant make for a safe environment for both parties.
…And enjoy the moment!
If you’re looking for the flip side, read this Senior Planet story. And always practice safe dating practices so you don’t wind up in a story like this one. Yikes!
Herb Knollis a retired banking executive, an advocate for Widowers, professional speaker and author of the breakout book, The Widower’s Journey.Herb is the founder of the Widower’s Support Network (WidowersSupportNetwork.com) featuring the Widowers Support Network – Members Only, a private Facebook group page for men only, and a second Facebook page which is open to the general public at Widowers Support Network. Contact Herb at herb@WidowersSupportNetwork.com.
Photo credit: Katherine Hanlon for Unsplash
Do you feel stuck with your love life?
Keep meeting the same boring people?
Starting to doubt if there is anyone out there you can feel a spark with?
Do people comment about how you are so great, you will meet someone soon? Tired of waiting around?
Getting back out into the dating scene after a break, long relationship, or divorce….unsure how to navigate a changing dating scene and feeling overwhelmed?
Get stuck in the friend zone? Or friends with benefits?
Feeling like you’re too much for men? Or maybe a wall flower…well nobody puts baby in the corner! (Thanks for reminding us of that Patrick Swayze):
It’s time to revive a sexy and confident you, spark passion, redesign your love life, and attract your soul mate!
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It’s time for a change, from a hopeless romantic to a hopeful romantic and from just hanging out to going out. Create your own romantic movie love story!
Petal Dating Coaches Profile
Dating coaching could be just the thing for you to make some much needed changes in your life! I offer a wide range of services for men and women, such as dating advice and strategies, personal coaching (face to face, by phone or by Skype) and small group seminars. One-on-one coaching can involve counseling and in-the-field coaching (girls night out), which can involve practicing flirting and striking up conversations with men/ women. Coaching is distinct from matchmakers because we coach people on finding their own dates whereas matchmakers arrange dates for their clients. Coaches are also not relationship or psychological counsellors.
I also specialize in helping with online dating. This could include helping you rewrite your online dating profile(s!) to obtain better results, initiate successful email conversations, reflect your best version of you, and get to the date you want!
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*All sessions are private and strictly confidential. A confidentiality agreement will be signed before sessions commence to ensure privacy.